So far…

This is not another blog about how to get your ex back.

This is a blog about how I got away from my abusive ex. This is an account of how to get away when there is NO WAY YOU CAN GET AWAY.

This is now about finding a way out, its not about working anything out or trying to solve a problem. You have to let go of your mind-I know impossible when you’re in flight mode and all you want to do is run…right?


It’s not about doing anything

So I was stuck in a loveless marriage with a chronic alcoholic who had fallen off the wagon and was at any moment going to spiral himself into oblivion. I had two small children and a divorce would mean a 50% / 50% custody split as he wasn’t destructive enough for me to run away safely with the kids. Trapped.

Oh the drama…its hilarious really that I re-created my own past. Anyhoo…
That’s the past-another plane of reality-a story.

I wanted out, for me and the kids but I couldn’t rack my brains on how we could get out.

So I let go…maybe 70% of the time and I just felt

What would it feel like to be single again? (First mistake-future tense)

But it was better than: oh holy god how am i gonna get single will i get outta this one…yada yada…

One simple question and our first blog.

How does it feel to be single again? (like its already happened).

When do you ask yourself this? When do you do something again and again?
I found first thing in the morning and last thing at night as I had daily routines I would repeat…alone…usually without the ex or kids underfoot.


Find times in the day when you repeat an action. Here’s some examples:

    • Showering
    • Brushing teeth
    • Drying hair
    • Waiting for coffee to brew
    • Microwave to ding

Now begin with just one question?


How does it feel to be single again?

Useful Resources

How does it feel to be single again?

Okay, so now in those moments of repetition how does that feel?

I used to ask myself it out loud in the shower and man I came back with some wicked vibes.

  • I could change my name back! Boy did I want to. That one alone got me in the mood straight away cos I really wanted my own identity again. Then I got into the whole…where would I change my name…cos I had no resistance to that slightly dull task.
    • I’d change all my bank cards
    • I’d change my email addresses
    • My name at work

…..I spent endless showers on just my name alone cos it felt sooooo good!

  • I’d be free of the abuse…don’t hold onto that one for long-it’ll bring up examples of abuse. You may as well turn the cold tap on.
  • I’d be a solo mum
  • I could live anywhere I wanted
  • It would just be me and the kids

Get into the feeling…

So aside from my daily ‘How does it feels’ I tried to ‘act as if’ as much as I could. Anytime my ex was away I would thank the universe-not for him being away but for how I felt when he wasn’t there.

I felt safe, free and peaceful. Even though it was often very short lived I would engage in this ‘role playing’ as often as I could.

He went abroad on a business trip out of the blue. (There is no out of the blue) and I threw myself completely and utterly into the solo mum role play.

I removed every sign of him from our bedroom and turned it into my bedroom. I literally asked myself, what would this room look like if he was gone for good…and then I made it so.

I hid all his stuff from every other room, I even started throwing out some of his stuff. Things he would never miss. Something really strange happened here. I started buying black sacks and ‘de-nesting’. I got rid of so much clutter. For the week he was abroad I LIVED like a solo mum, slept in a single mum’s bed. I got my hair done, I got my nails done. I raised the kids on my own. I REVELLED in this new reality and I thanked the universe for every minute of it.

I put everything back before he came home, but in my reality it was all still gone.

Less than a month later he was arrested for a DUI and has never set foot back in MY home.

I ended up using all the black sacks I’d bought to pack up his stuff and leave at a storage unit. There is nothing of his left in my home now.

He’s gone.

How are you acting as if….or are you still reacting to IS?